May
12
I will always be in love with Al Pacino.Growing up as the only adopted member of a predominantly Irish family, my unquestionable Italian-American heritage was more than obvious; my dad used to tell me my face resembled a young, female Al Pacino. Most girls would find this insulting, but I loved it. I'm weird like that.
I guess things could have been stranger. You could have been black or Korean, but that's still some combination. All things being equal, would you have preferred an Italian-American family, or would it matter?
... I do have black heritage, though I was more aware of the Italian heritage growing up.
I have a great adoptive family, but I think I would have preferred my natural family from birth, that's after all the most natural situation, don't you think?
"I would have preferred my natural family from birth... wouldn't you? "
No! Not if I could have had a better childhood with an adopted family. My childhood with my birth parents sucked. My sister has two adopted boys. If they ever felt any angst about being adopted, I'm unaware of it. What rankles me no end is when I hear the birth parents referred to as the "real parents" as if the people who loved and cared for a child were nothing but fill-ins.
Really. What rankles me is when I hear natural mothers referred to as nothing more than incubators for the upper middle class white family wanting a new baby.
Blood ties surpass money and white picket fences.
What also rankles me is non-adopted people telling adoptees how they're supposed to feel. I'm sure I don't have to explain why it does...
"What also rankles me is non-adopted people telling adoptees how they're supposed to feel. I'm sure I don't have to explain why it does..."
Yes, me too! I have 4 parents and all of them are real to me. Non-adopted people coming in and trying to define my existence is just plain annoying.
And Snowbrush, why would you wish for adoption? Why wouldn't you just wish your biological parents were better/richer/cooler?
I hear ya. I would have preferred my natural family, too. Growing up with strangers will never replace the natural bond a child has with his or her natural Mother. Snowbrush- your nephews are like most adoptees- we NEVER speak of our "angst" to our adoptive parents, or anyone else for that matter because we fear we will be left again.
Yes, amazon- we have 4 REAL parents. How dare anyone tell us anything else.
"Why wouldn't you just wish your biological parents were better/richer/cooler?"
I didn't answer the question according to every possible option but according to how I understood you to ask it.
"Blood ties surpass money and white picket fences."
When my sister wanted to send our ailing father to a nursing home in another state to get him well out of her hair, it was my wife who agreed that she and I should take him it. He lived with us for his last two years and often said that they were the happiest of his life and that my wife was more of a daughter to him than his own flesh and blood.
I hear you, Italian princess! I was a Scotch/Irish girl who grew up with Germans.
LOL to Snowbrush. I can top his shitty bio parents claim with some shitty adopters! Mine! The ones who say they had bad bio parents always assume they'd have had wonderful strangers adopting them--not by a long shot!
Your nephews are about as likey to discuss their feelings about adoption with as they are their sex lives--it's a very intimate subject.
Well, a young Al Pacino was pretty hot so I can see how you loved that. Anyone with any ounce of honesty would admit to wishing that they were raised within a loving biological family vs. a loving non-bio one. Let's get real.
Thank you guys, you all hit the nail on the head (for loss of better words).
"And Snowbrush, why would you wish for adoption? Why wouldn't you just wish your biological parents were better/richer/cooler?" I always wonder this when people say they wish they were adopted - why not just wish that your bio family didn't suck? I guess it just comes down to the fact that it is impossible to know how it feels to be raised by biological strangers, having no idea what your true genetic heritage is, unless you have lived it. And before anyone starts with the "genetic heritage doesn't matter" crap, why are the so many bloody shows on TV about it? Now we get to watch Lisa Kudrow find her roots but American adoptees are meant to just shut up and deal with having sealed records. And rant over.